thehappysorceress
thebloggerbloggerfun:

teafortrouble:

eteo:

fall-for-nothing:

trickster-eridan:

buttpilgrim:

scientificperfection:

kittiesinthemorning:

I just don’t understand how this happened. But here’s a picture of a lemon from my backyard

WHAT THE EVERLOVING FUCK

when life gives yoǘ̻̬͓͎̣̟̩̦͢ ͪ̂̀̆҉̳̘̝̺̀l͇̬̹̞̻̥͕̥̗̒̎ͩ̋ͥ͆e͙̭̭̠̣̠̊́ͩ̂̓̀ṃ̛̍̂͛̈̏o̠̪̪ͤ͗͘n̵͉̣ͭͧ̿ͧ͛̀s̷̠͑ͬͫͦ̅͡ ̸͐ͤ͘҉̦̺M̰̹͙͇ͮ̉ͫͅȦ̻̔̅̇̑ͭ͛͋͘K̠̻̫̤̇̀ͥE͂ͪ͏̱̤͚͕ ̞͔̜̬̑ͯ͑͢ͅŞ͔̦̩̳̣̖ͮ͊ͨA͈̓͂̈́̀̀̚͘C̡̠̟͉ͪ͆̔ͤ͂ͪR̬͙͕ͪ̀͠Ĩ̵̖͚̑̊̓́F͎͕̄Iͬͧ̀̂̑ͪ͟͏̴̪̤ͅC̢̰̝͓̗͛ͬ̔̍̓́́̚̚Ḙ̶̠̰̳̩̳̊ͭͮ̇̇̚̕S̻͖̣̰̒̈͟

it’s back

Satan lemon

every villain is lemons

And finally, dear listeners, a reminder; several concerned citizens have brought to the city’s attention an irregularity surrounding this summer’s citrus harvest. City council would like to remind all enterprising fruit pickers to exercise reasonable caution when acquiring these fruits. Grasp the fruit firmly around its circumference, pull slowly but steadily to avoid damaging the tree, and under no circumstances heed its demands of you. Do not acknowledge or obey the depraved whisperings of the demon fruit.

And now: The Weather.

thebloggerbloggerfun:

teafortrouble:

eteo:

fall-for-nothing:

trickster-eridan:

buttpilgrim:

scientificperfection:

kittiesinthemorning:

I just don’t understand how this happened. But here’s a picture of a lemon from my backyard

WHAT THE EVERLOVING FUCK

when life gives yoǘ̻̬͓͎̣̟̩̦͢ ͪ̂̀̆҉̳̘̝̺̀l͇̬̹̞̻̥͕̥̗̒̎ͩ̋ͥ͆e͙̭̭̠̣̠̊́ͩ̂̓̀ṃ̛̍̂͛̈̏o̠̪̪ͤ͗͘n̵͉̣ͭͧ̿ͧ͛̀s̷̠͑ͬͫͦ̅͡ ̸͐ͤ͘҉̦̺M̰̹͙͇ͮ̉ͫͅȦ̻̔̅̇̑ͭ͛͋͘K̠̻̫̤̇̀ͥE͂ͪ͏̱̤͚͕ ̞͔̜̬̑ͯ͑͢ͅŞ͔̦̩̳̣̖ͮ͊ͨA͈̓͂̈́̀̀̚͘C̡̠̟͉ͪ͆̔ͤ͂ͪR̬͙͕ͪ̀͠Ĩ̵̖͚̑̊̓́F͎͕̄Iͬͧ̀̂̑ͪ͟͏̴̪̤ͅC̢̰̝͓̗͛ͬ̔̍̓́́̚̚Ḙ̶̠̰̳̩̳̊ͭͮ̇̇̚̕S̻͖̣̰̒̈͟

it’s back

Satan lemon

every villain is lemons

And finally, dear listeners, a reminder; several concerned citizens have brought to the city’s attention an irregularity surrounding this summer’s citrus harvest. City council would like to remind all enterprising fruit pickers to exercise reasonable caution when acquiring these fruits. Grasp the fruit firmly around its circumference, pull slowly but steadily to avoid damaging the tree, and under no circumstances heed its demands of you. Do not acknowledge or obey the depraved whisperings of the demon fruit.

And now: The Weather.

howtofightwrite

Anonymous asked:

When writing an Assassin, is there anything you would recommend us not doing? Like should we avoid having a stereotypical assassin who hates the world but when another character comes into their lives, their view on the world changes? Trope wise, is there any that you would like to see more of? Thank you :)

howtofightwrite answered:

Ah, assassins.

The Ninja: I don’t mean actual historical ninjas. This is the cultural perception of guys in black masks who leap between buildings like Spider-Man. The Assassin’s Creed assassins a.k.a the guys who can’t kill their way out of a paper bag. The supposedly human character whose training gives them a hefty dose of superpowers with a side of Orientalism and fetishizing of “insert Eastern culture here”. Believe it or not guys, people do look up.

The Forced Prodigy: “My character is a super awesome killer, but they were forced to learn these skills”. No. In order to be good at something, you have to enjoy it and you have to want to be good at it. You have to want to learn. An assassin is a hired killer, they kill people for either money or a cause. They stalk them, they invade their lives, they learn everything they can about their target, and then they hunt them down. It’s not the sort of profession you thrive in if you’re squeamish. More, the sorts of organizations we’re talking about aren’t going to take someone who doesn’t want to learn or train someone who actively resents them. Talent isn’t everything, in the long run it actually means very little. Someone who wants want you’re offering, who sees this new addition in their life as an improvement, is much more valuable. The individual who chooses the life, even if it was originally chosen for them, will always beat out the unwilling no matter how much natural talent they possess. There are plenty of other candidates where your character came from. If you want them to succeed, they’re going to have to prove themselves.

Undone By Love: You mentioned this one. The Best Assassin in the World is undone by… a pretty face? What? Seduction is a standard part of the assassin package for men and women. It’s a lot easier to kill someone by attacking their blind spot and history proves sexual attraction is a great one. Assassins are going to be deeply screwed up individuals, their understanding of normal is nowhere near the standard cultural baseline. It’s easiest to start understanding it by assuming everything you understand is inverted: kindness is a lie, interest means you want something, trust is a sign of an inevitable back stab. When you live in a world of shadows and lies, paranoia is inevitable. “Normal” people are either background noise or enemies in disguise. Staying one step ahead is how you stay alive and if you can do this to other people then it can also be done to you. So, someone who shows them kindness? Why would they ever trust that?

The Oliver Twist: This is like Undone by Love. The idea is that once the assassin gets a taste of real life outside the walls of their compound, once they experience kindness, once they experience normalcy, they’re going to want that and realize their life has been a lie. “I just want to be normal’. Well, this comes from a mistaken assumption on the part of the author about the character because they’re assuming:

1) that they’re baseline for normal is normal.

2) that once exposed, everyone is going to want to have what they have and be like them.

An assassin is trained with the understanding that they will eventually go out into the “real world”. Part of their job is infiltration and that means learning how to fit in, perhaps in a multitude of different cultures. Psychology, human behavior, seduction, and general social skills are going to be part of the package. You can’t manipulate individuals without understanding them, understanding their concept of normal is going to be necessary. Normal is relative. It’s important to consider that a character who kills people for a living may not want to be like the people they kill or like their creator (you).

Biting the Hand That Feeds Them: The assassin goes out into the world, realizes what they are, has an epiphany, and says “I must stand against the evil!”. This is an assumption about morals. Killing is wrong, ergo the assassin must be wrong, when they realize they are wrong they will want to make it right by… killing more people? Welcome to Saturday Morning Cartoon morality, where things are black and white and everyone is immortal until someone slits their throat. Death is the natural conclusion to life. People die. In fact, they die all the time. If your character is a professional assassin, they’ve made peace with murder and the muddy waters they wade through. They kill. Death is part of them. Why is one person more or less worthy of life than another? In their mind, some of the people they kill may indeed have it coming. What makes their organization and what they do so much worse than the good guys?

Writing any character who fights involves wrestling your personal philosophy and your morals. Why we fight, why we kill, why we commit atrocities have been a central focus of human philosophy throughout history. There aren’t any easy answers to those questions, nor are there universal ones. Like spies, assassins are among the hardest to understand because of the manner in which they kill. They have to be able to empathize with their target, they don’t have the same luxury of dehumanization that a soldier does. They get to know people with the intent to kill and if you’re not able to get comfortable with that then writing it can be very hard.

The Assassin With A Heart of Gold: The assumption that turning around on their masters makes them a good person, or that doing the right thing somehow absolves them. Black Widow’s “red ledger” line from Avengers. Essentially, the Atoner. I’m sick of the Atoning Assassin. “I’m doing the right thing because I want to make up for my past mistakes” by killing more people. I mean, sure, it’s funny but really. They’re essentially doing the exact same thing they did before but this time it’s okay because of authorial fiat. They’re working for the good guys now. That makes them a good person.

No. They may have changed sides, but if they’re still killing then they’re still the same person. At it’s heart, killing is killing. There is no good killing and no bad killing, there’s just killing. Every person is someone’s mother or father, brother or sister, aunt or uncle, niece or nephew, every person your character kills matters to someone. It’s not people in general, or those people over there, the person being killed is an individual. Your assassin knows they’re killing an individual, they know that because it’s part of their training.

So, why does this individual matter? What is it about this one that made them change their mind? They go through all their training, fully understanding what they’re being asked to do because it won’t work if they don’t, kill all those other people and then they get to this one person who makes them realize their entire life is wrong? Why? It’s not because they’ve suddenly realized killing is wrong.

Figure it out or become an internally inconsistent cliche.

So, what would we personally like to see more of?

Well, don’t do the above and you’re well on your way to what we’d like to see. The Professional Assassin, The Cheerful Assassin, and The Gleeful Assassin, so long as they aren’t presented as villains. Personality types that go in for something other than “sour, dour, moody, broody” and “angsty, whiny, poor me, victim”. Characters who don’t sit around talking about how awesome and dangerous they are or make grandiose claims about their skill set while never backing it up.

What about you, followers? What assassin archetypes do you hate? What would you like to see more of in fiction?

-Michi

thehappysorceress

thehappysorceress:

redundantthinking:

It doesn’t mean I don’t care anymore. I don’t want to let you down, honest, but… but it just doesn’t hurt so bad anymore. You can understand that, can’t you? Look, I can give money to the city - they can hire more cops. Let someone else take the risk, but it’s different now! 

Please! I need it to be different now. I know I made a promise, but I didn’t see this coming. I didn’t count on being happy.

Please! Tell me that it’s okay…

Okay, so in order for me to talk about this scene, I need you to see the pictures and the words to it. I would have just subtitled it, but apparently my copy doesn’t come with that so we’ll just deal.

Yes, I need to talk about this scene. I absolutely do. I feel like, if you ever want to get Bruce Wayne or his issues, you need to at least see this scene in its full glory and digest it for what it is. 

For those who don’t know what this is from, it’s the movie made for the Batman: The Animated Series. It’s called the Mask of the Phantasm. The story is about a new vigilant called the Phantasm is killing crime bosses in Gotham and framing Batman for it. Meanwhile Andrea Beaumont, Bruce’s old love, returns and the movie details Bruce’s relationship with her and how it lead him to becoming Batman (also, I should note Andrea’s voice actress was also Lois’, so awesome).

The scene above comes about twenty minutes into the movie in a flashback. In it, a young, not yet Batman, Bruce goes to his parents grave in a state of conflict, unable to choose between a happy life with his girlfriend Andrea or the promise he made to his parents as a child. What results is Bruce pleading with their spirits to let him be at peace and have a normal life rather than give it up. 

And this is what should always have been Bruce major character conflict: whether he deserves happiness or not. We like to play pretend that Bruce’s real deal is that he’s always between the line that makes him a costumed monster or a hero, but it’s not. We know that Bruce would never give to impulse and kill a man: doing so would throw out the ideals and promise that was instilled in him upon Martha and Thomas’ deaths. Bruce could not and would not do so, but here we are with so many stories that like to think Bruce issue is that he is dark and violent and trying to not be a monster.

It’s not.

Let’s just put it out there now: Bruce has survivor’s guilt. (Among other things, but that is a post I am so not qualified to make)

Why else act like this, sacrifice himself for a promise no one else is making him keep, and pretty much tear himself into painful little pieces? We know that if Martha and Thomas were even somewhat like Bruce makes them out to be, they would never tell their son to self-destruct and become Batman. Here, Bruce is not begging with his parents so much as he is begging to himself and to fate.

I don’t want to let you down, honest, but… but it just doesn’t hurt so bad anymore." is a particular hard line (and I wish you could all hear it because Kevin Conroy is fucking amazing here; this might be his best). Bruce hates himself for going off his own plan because how dare he be happy. Happiness isn’t for men like him. We laugh at scenes like Bruce saying he hasn’t been happy since he was eight years old or when told he’s happy he says ‘What ever it is, I like it’, but the sad part is that Bruce honestly believes the things he says. 

In scenes like this we see Bruce for what he really feels under all the brooding and anger: he’s shaken with guilt over surviving the attack that killed his parents. Deep inside, Bruce believes he should be dead and by living, he has some how failed. This is nothing new with survivors guilt, especially with children; rationally they know they are not at fault, but the trauma makes them believe they are.

That’s the thing right there: Bruce thinks he should have taken the bullet and died. He didn’t, he let Martha and Thomas die, and now he has to bare an undeserving weight to make up for their deaths.

This is why I get really galled by people who say Bruce needs to shut up, move on, and ‘stop whining’ because he fucking can’t. For one: no one has the right to tell someone how long or how they mourn and if you do, you can go fuck yourself. For two: Bruce can’t move on because he doesn’t think he deserves it. He’s mentally still eight years old in his mind, watching his parents blood pool, hating himself for not being the one on the ground. 

I’m not saying Bruce should be excused for his actions, by the way. Bruce’s inner conflict and how he deals with it is his responsibility and suffer like he does makes him no less of a jackass to the people he hurts. Explaining shit does not excuse the harmful behavior he has later on.

What’s really important here is the kind of angst Bruce has here compared to what’s happening to him currently. This is true sorrow; this defeat. Bruce’s pain is apparent and it’s not violence, it’s through his exhaustion. Bruce is in his twenties and he’s already tired of living like this. So he pleads and he bargains and he gets down on his knees praying that he could have this one thing. We feel empathy for a man who truly wanted to throw himself away but finds love and hates himself for it. This is the Bruce that people care about. An broken down man; not the screaming lunatic who tells people they can not possibly understand his pain and then blames them for their own demise (and every time I see Bruce do that in comic canon, I want to pull my hair out because that SHOULDN’T BE BRUCE AT ALL IT REALLY FUCKING SHOULDN’T BUT IT HAS HAPPENED SO MANY TIMES THAT NOW IT IS AND JUST UUUGGHHHHHH).

This is Bruce’s conflict with Andrea, who was his sign to not be Batman, and it should be his issue with his family in the future. Bruce should not have an issue with them because they do not fit to his standards or can not understand him (which, fucking ha!) or believes that they will only weaken him.

Bruce’s issue with his children should be that they are each his new chance at happiness and he believes that he doesn’t deserve that. The same anguish we see in this scene should be the same one that Bruce feels when he hears Dick and Tim laughing or sees Cass pass by or watches Jason from a distance or has Damian in the Bat mobile being his usual self. They’re all the sign he needs to be happy and he thoroughly believes he shouldn’t have that.

For all the Bruce/Batman bashing I see and head-desk at, this post is a true joy.